How Did It Come To This?
by 0oxymoronic0
Summary: “There’s a time in life when you must break away. It could be when you leave home, or school, or it could be when you abandon your friends and they search for you for half a year only to find you here.” Yuki flees to escape Akito but it goes wrong…KyoYuki
1. Discovery

**A/N**

**I thought my previous stories had been angsty. I was wrong. This one takes the fucking biscuit. It even creeps me out.**

**This is dedicated to Chaell and Rennie because they were the last people I talked to before coming up with this at 11pm so it's probably their fault somehow.**

**WARNING: This story is NOT happy-clappy, like my others. It's VERY dark and involves lots of mature stuff (that I can't write about or it would totally spoil it) but seriously, if you don't think you can handle it I don't want to be responsible for mental scarring.**

**Warnings for chapter 1: Graphic lemon, KyoYuki.**

**Discovery**

Oh, _Yuki._

How did it come to this?

* * *

There's a moment in everyone's life when they have to break away. It could be when you leave your parents, or school, or it could be when you abandon your friends with no reasons given whatsoever and make them search for you for half a year and then find you _here_. It reeked of piss, and sweat, but he was still curled up in a ball in the middle of it, and he was still Yuki.

He was frighteningly thin as I scooped him up. His head flopped onto my chest and he groaned, eyes fluttering slightly. I pulled him close, making a half-croaked shushing noise deep in my throat as tears scratched at the back of my eyes. There were a dozen other half-naked bodies lying in the filth in the alleyway, but I was only here for Yuki. I could do nothing for them. I glanced nervously at the door back to the club, half-frightened that Yuki's _boss _would find me extracting his best prize, but no one came. The music was too loud, the stench of alcohol and many tightly-packed moving bodies choking my over-sensitive sense of smell. I pulled Yuki closer and began to walk away, the mud clinging to my boots.

I lay him out on the bed when I finally managed to get home. I ran a hand softly across his forehead. It had taken me so long to find him, and even in my worst nightmares I'd thought he could be dead. But he was here – that was a start, at least. "I missed you," I whispered, but he couldn't hear me – I was glad. He was asleep – restlessly, tossing and whimpering – but asleep. With everything I knew he'd had to do, it didn't surprise me. I gently worked him out of his half-torn graduation robes, eyes keeping on his face even when he was naked beneath me. I ignored the scratches and scars and bruises (especially the blue-black ones covering his lower arms) and carried him into the shower, gently washing the six months of filth from his battered, broken body.

He shuddered horribly as I lay him back down, and his hands suddenly sprung back into life. He squirmed on the bed, hands moving out, feeling the soft material. He didn't appear to panic, his hands drifting up across my body, feeling their way along the material, fingers slipping under the buttons. He sighed gently. "I take it you've talked to Yui?" he murmured as he reached up, kissing my neck softly. I wanted to stop him, but my head was spinning dangerously. I knew this sensation… I'd felt it before…

Someone had spiked my drink.

My informant… the little shithead! And now Yuki was kissing my neck, his hands working on my buttons softly but insistently, and I couldn't think of anything but purple dolphins and rainbows. I struggled to stay conscious and lucid, trying to remind myself that I didn't want to screw my cousin… I was supposed to be saving him, not being his next charge… but the drugs were stripping me of my morals, and everything was fading into carnal feelings, and all I could think of was Yuki being so close. Years of suppressed emotions I hadn't realised until thirty seconds ago were swamping my system, focussing on the way his fingers were working at my fly, the way his lips burnt the skin on my neck. "Wait…" I gasped, but he spoke the same time as me and my words were lost.

"What's your name?" he whispered softly.

I groaned shakily. "Kyo," I gasped, just managing to splutter it out.

He laughed gently against my neck. "I had a friend called Kyo once," he murmured, and his hand shot down the front of my boxers and I couldn't think anymore. I whined his name in a single note, accompanied by rippling, harsh pants, my back arching at the sensation. My eyes were fogging over, my resolve gone, shattered in pieces on the floor landing with the jeans I kicked off as I hungrily kissed his mouth.

"Oh fuck, _Yuki_," I gasped, as he pushed his legs over mine and kissed me angrily.

"Do you have anything for me?" he muttered, hands rippling across my face.

"A-anything?" I gasped, and my face flushed with the implications of what he meant. As I was about to open my mouth to apologise he sighed and knelt above me.

"Shit," he sighed, and sat down on top of me. I screamed as my vision streaked white and nothing made sense anymore. I felt my arms clamped around him dangerously tight and he was shuddering, head resting on my shoulder as in an almost robotic action he began to rock forwards and backwards, skin slapping together the only noise save for my whines and gasps. Yuki was silent. His head was resting on my shoulder, fingers prodding at my own lower back, his first slipping inside me with blunt authority. He was intent on getting me off; this was his job, and he was a professional, after all. It was his livelihood and he knew what he was doing, that much was certain; my whole body felt alive with the pleasure of it, rippling full of sensations I didn't know existed.

"I missed you," I gasped, shuddering. He took it in his stride.

"I missed you too, sweetie, now come for me," he said, tone coaxing and so very un Yuki-ish it frightened me. I appeared to refuse to do so, though how I could restrain myself with him so tight around me and his fingers pressing against my prostate I didn't know. He let out a sigh of exasperation and rocked a little faster, his tongue lapping at my ear. Why didn't he recognise me? Why didn't he know who I was? _Why was he doing this to me?_

I groaned his name again, pushing my hips up to meet his. "Yuki…" I whispered, and tried to kiss his lips again; he pushed me away. Before his kiss had been angry and spiteful, but now he didn't want to know. This was about me.

"For fuck's sake, come! _KYO_!" He screamed and arched his back, his whole body shuddering with the sensation, clamping down on me as his last desperate attempt to make me comply, and at last I couldn't resist. I burnt in him and on him and with him and I lost myself with a half-sobbing cry.

He was exhausted; he slumped down onto me with a shudder, falling gracefully on top of me with a shudder. "Oh god," I whispered, supporting him gently. "What have I done?" I whispered, but the drugs and the sex were fogging my mind. His eyes fluttered open and he looked directly at me.

Only he didn't.

He had slipped into unconsciousness when I pushed him away and retched horribly into the bin beside the bed. I felt horribly empty as I curled up in a ball on the very edge of the bed, my arms wrapped around my legs as I sobbed, rocking myself gently.

His eyes had been cloudy and lifeless.

He was blind.

Oh, _Yuki._

How did it come to this?

**A/N**

**Yeah, I'm sorry it's so ridiculously short, but it had to start/finish there for perfect cliffy goodness.**


	2. Hope

**A/N**

**Wow… quite a lot of people are watching this. Prepare to be totally let down.**

**Hope**

I couldn't believe it.

All my hopes… all my dreams for so long had rested on finding Yuki. And now he was here… and he was so broken. He whimpered in his sleep, rolling over onto one side. His lifeless eyes flickered behind his lids, trapped in the dreamworld yet again I always wanted him to leave. I ran the cloth soothingly across his forehead and played with his hair softly, removing the sweat from his brow with gentle motions. I was burning inside, tears pricking at the back of my eyes, hot heat burning them with fire in my throat. I just wanted my Yuki back, but I knew that it was impossible. I'd lost him. But this Yuki… he needed my help, god save him, he needed a friend. He hadn't woken up in the two days since I'd brought him here, trapped in this fever-like state. He tossed and writhed and clutched at me desperately; often his eyes would open and he'd stare at me with those white surfaces and a terrible scream would tear through – I thought he was waking up – but then he'd drop back down again and silence, hot silence would return.

Rubbing the cloth over his brow, keeping him cool… it gave me a lot of time to think about what I'd done before. I didn't love him. I didn't so much as fancy him. I'd come to find him because he was my friend – no, not even that. I'd come to find him because he was better than me. _So_ much better than me. I was a coward. I couldn't run. He'd not _abandoned _his friends, he'd broken away; made himself a better life. And by turning up here I was trying to drag him back. It wasn't fair on him, but I'd… I hadn't missed him so much as burnt with guilt.

Without Yuki, Akito broke. I hadn't seen him in months – not just from being on the run, trying to find Yuki – whenever I went back to pick up on my leads again, start again (countless times) in my desperate search it had always been the same. Hatori and Kureno by his doorway, just sitting there. Painfully silent. Shigure was nowhere to be seen. No one blamed me, but no one bothered to look for him. They felt… betrayed. Like Yuki had dishonoured the family. Only Aaya offered me tea, asked me how I was doing. If Yuki could see him like that – just how much he was _worrying _– I think he might have finally understood how much he just wanted to be his big brother. I'd never had a sibling – hell, I'd never even had a family – and I wish I could say I knew how he was feeling, but I didn't. But the pain I saw in him – not in his eyes, per se, but in the way he acted, or didn't act – that I knew. That I felt. Everyone felt that little bit worse with him gone.

Everytime I went back, I felt that no one would have even cared if I'd been the one who'd gone.

Tohru… Oh God, Tohru… she… she broke. I can't… I can't describe it. She was such a happy person, all the time, all the _fucking _time, and she'd just learnt to depend on Yuki… too much… _too much_. When he went she died inside. I had Hatori wipe her memories. It wasn't my decision to make, but I was the only one left. She didn't even have us to be her _friends _anymore.

* * *

He was getting worse.

It was the second night since I'd found him (not counting the one I'd taken him home and fucked him in) when I knew something was wrong. It had been niggling at me that this wasn't really an _ordinary_fever; before they'd never been like that. His legs were convulsing now, and his heartbeat was racing. Something hit me, like a terrible punch to the gut. I flipped his arm over and stared at the bruises; I ran a finger across them. "Oh Yuki," I gasped, fishing for my phone. This was way out of my league. I hit speed dial, Hatori picking up much quicker than I expected. "Hatori, it's me," I said quickly.

"_I gathered that,_" he said quietly.

"It's Yuki – yeah, I found him – look, I think he's a heroin addict and he's in withdrawal and I _don't know what to do – _"

"_Kyo, calm down, you're no good to him if you're panick__ing. What's happening?"_

I took in a deep, choking breath. "His legs are shaking and his heartbeat's high and he's freezing cold and there are these bruises on his arm – "

"_Oh shit," _Hatori gasped. _"How long has he been with you?"_

"About two days," I sobbed.

"_Shit," _Hatori muttered. I heard him fumbling for his car keys. _"I'm coming, where are you?"_

I started to blurt an address when Yuki gave a sudden spasm beside me and lay very still. I yelled, dropping the phone and hurrying back over to the bed. This is where I wished I'd paid more attention in biology! What was it now? I began to pump uselessly with one hand, other hand scrabbling for my phone. I jammed it under my ear. "Hatori, he's arresting – he's not breathing – "

"_Calm down, Kyo! Place your hands on his chest and pump, count them out loud!" _I did so, tears streaming down my face. _"Now breathe into his mouth!" _I let out a stream of shaky breath. This was much more horrible than Western films; Yuki was getting colder under my fingers.

"Nothing happened!" I screamed at Hatori.

"_Do it again!" _We waited in horrific silence as I repeated myself twice more before Yuki coughed and spluttered again. I sobbed, pulling him in close. _"Where are you?" _Hatori asked into my ear. I muttered an address, rocking Yuki in my arms. _"Keep him warm, I'm on my way."_

I kissed his forehead softly, moving backwards and forwards with tears streaming down my face. "I didn't want this for you," I whispered, hugging him tightly. "I would have given anything to stop you being this."

I don't know whether he heard me.

* * *

I sat with him all night, keeping him wrapped up, murmuring sweet words into his ear, reassuring him it would be okay when I knew I had nothing to give him. But… the way everything was hurting… I knew this feeling from before. I leant down and kissed his forehead softly, meaningfully. My chest felt incredibly full, burning with worry and anger and… love for him. He… he was becoming a friend. And I think I was okay with that, because I knew he'd need someone here for him now. I casually fiddled with a strand of hair across his forehead, watching the sweat trickle down.

That night was the longest night of my life.

The spasms were the worst; the sudden clenching and contortions of his muscles that I'd have to control by grabbing onto him and holding him still in case he did himself damage. He'd always been stronger than me, but these were just feeble, pathetic. The fact that he beat at my chest with no strength at all hurt more than his blows ever had; I swear, after that night I thought I could never, ever cry again.

It was about half past four when Hatori finally pulled up; I heard him bolt up the stairs and bang on the door. I walked over and let him in before going back to Yuki, sitting beside him on the bed. He was quiet now, simply sleeping. His chest rose and fall with a gentle wheeze that made me want to cry from relief; a handful of dreadful hours ago I didn't think I'd even see him breathe again. Hatori squatted down beside him and rolled him over gently; I stood awkwardly to one side, one hand grasping the opposite arm as he ran a finger over the bruises, checked his heartrate, breathing and temperature. He finally looked up at me with a relieved sigh; I could see the bags under his eyes, he must have been driving all night. "I think the worst's over," he murmured. "Normally people don't arrest, but with his weak chest…" We both turned back to look at him for a moment; I was perched on the bed, and I ran a finger softly across his forehead. "I've taken some blood samples so I can better evaluate the damage," he continued, "but it's clear from the extent of his withdrawal symptoms he's quite far in." Hatori sighed, looking back over to him. "How did we drive you to this?"

"There's something else," I croaked, hugging myself tighter. Hatori looked at me, his eyes dull and sad. "He's blind."

Hatori's eyebrows raised, and he fiddled in his pocket, producing a small torch. He gently lifted one of Yuki's eyelids, and I couldn't bear to look at the cloudy eyes again; I glanced down at his hand, lying still on top of the duvet. "There's a mild level of responsiveness," Hatori said finally, slipping his torch back into his pocket and making a note with his pen.

"There's hope," I said softly.

Hatori smiled up at me. "I suppose," he said slowly. "There's hope." Hope and Sohma seemed to be two estranged words we hadn't heard for a horribly long time. He straightened up with a sigh, bones crackling as he shook out. "Like I said, I think the worst's over. Generally the 48 hour period is the worst. You should get some sleep," he said to me, eyes regarding me with mild concern. I felt the heaviness in my bones; my body was shattered but I couldn't put my mind to rest. I looked at Yuki for a moment, hesitating. "It's okay," Hatori murmured softly. "He's safe."

I sighed, closing my eyes for a moment before opening them and looking at him again. "You go get yourself booked in a room," I said to him. "You'll need to drive with those samples tomorrow." He nodded and gathered his things, and with one last look at Yuki walked quietly out of the door. I rolled my shoulders, feeling the weight settle on my body. I gently moved the covers and crawled into the bed with him; his body was radiating heat. I moved in closer and just held him close and was glad to be alive.

**A/N**

**Nice bit of angst to keep the bunnies happy.**


	3. Lucidity

**A/N**

**Another bucketful of angst for you lovelies. KAWAIIwolf-luvr, thank you for all wonderful support and reviews, this one's for you!**

**(Thanks also to my Rennie, who, without her constant wonderful badgering, I would never have got so far.)**

**Lucidity**

He turned over in his sleep, eyes flickering restlessly. He hadn't done anything but sleep for five days, but Hatori said it was normal, considering the sleeping pills he'd given him. "It'll be easier for him if he's asleep," he'd said quietly. I leant down and brushed my fingers across his forehead. I realised, then, I would have given anything to keep him from this. My hand trailed down to his, and grasped it softly.

I felt that I should re-evaluate my position. I hated emotions; for the most part I just kept them inside. It wasn't that there was no-one to talk to – I'm sure that Hatori wouldn't mind 5 minutes listening to me angst – but it was more a deep sense of unwilling to admit that I had a dependency. That seeing Yuki like this had destroyed a little part of me. He'd always been so strong, so much _better _than me, and to see him so… dirty, and wrong, it had just broken something inside. It hurt, all the time, just constant pain, like rats gnawing on my stomach and crawling through my heart. Appropriate choice of creature, really. He'd got inside of me, somehow, all those years we spent together. I'd always thought I'd stopped arguing with him so much because of Tohru, but now… now I knew there was something else. He felt like an elusive brother, the one that's there but distant, the one you can hardly ever touch. Now being the proverbial black sheep of the family, I was the only one left who gave a fuck. And not because I_loved _him, or anything so soppily stupid – and not just because there was no one else. Just because… well, just because. I'd missed him. There was nothing wrong with that. I sighed and straightened up. "Time for more water, I think," I murmured softly, walking over to the bathroom. I was halfway through pouring myself a drink when my phone went off in my pocket. I flipped it open; of course I knew who it was. "Got anything?"

"_Blood test results." _We'd been waiting for these. _"Nothing serious – no infections or anything." _I let out a sigh of relief; it was the thing I'd feared above all else.

"He's still more sensible than we give him credit for," I murmured, running my finger gently over the tip of the glass.

"_I've sent them off to a lab just in case. They specialise in HIV."_

I felt a lump reside in my throat. "Do you think – "

"_I don't know, Kyo. It's just to be safe."_

"He's better than that," I whispered. "He wouldn't be so stupid." Hatori didn't answer. "How much longer will he be out for?" I murmured.

"_After eight days, I reckon the worst's over."_

"Soon, then," I whispered. "I can bring him home."

Hatori sighed in a rush of air. _"Kyo…"_

"Have you told anyone yet?" I murmured, leaning against the counter, my eyes still on Yuki who was lying on his side.

"_Only Shigure." _I didn't protest; Hatori seemed to have an inevitable weakness for the Dog which meant he had to tell him everything.

"How's Akito?" I sighed. It was ritualistic.

"_I wish I could tell you," _he murmured softly. _"I don't think people would take too kindly to Yuki if he returned; you know how everyone feels without him."_

"Yeah," I whispered. The world felt empty without your God, after all. It hurt me a little, a sort of empty burning, but the others, who were closer… they stopped smiling. It was a sort of bitter irony; with him, we couldn't be free. Without him, we were lost.

"_I'll think about what we should do. He's not strong enough for anything, now." _He paused for a moment. _"Kyo…" _He sounded embarrassed. _"Kyo, you didn't… sleep with him, did you?"_

I felt my whole body blanch, my heart thundering in my chest. "No. Why?" I croaked.

He sounded slightly relieved. _"If you had, and if he is infected…" _He laughed once. _"Never mind. If you didn't, that's fine."_

My whole body was shaking with fear. "Yeah," I croaked. "It's fine." A stirring from next door made me jump. "Listen, can I call you back?"

"_Sure," _he said, but I'd already taken the phone away from my ear. I found myself flailing in the bathroom momentarily, before dropping my phone on the counter, picking up the glass of water and running, spilling half of it in the process.

His eyes were open. _His eyes were open. _The tiniest slit, but it was still there. He whimpered, his hand flickering up to his head. "Shh," I whispered softly, bringing the glass up to his lips. He drank greedily, before falling back with a sigh, his hands roving over my body.

"Who is it?" he murmured hoarsely. The action seemed to pain him; his face scrunched up in a wince.

I felt myself choke on a sob. "It's me," I whispered. "It's Kyo."

He frowned for a moment. "How do you know about Kyo?" he said, his eyes going wide, shuffling back defensively. "Who are you?"

I closed my eyes, feeling two tears track down my face. I took in a deep breath that rattled in my throat. "Oh, Yuki," I said softly. I took his hand, watching his eyes widen at the gesture. "It's me. It's Kyo."

"Don't be silly," he said, his voice shaking. "Kyo wouldn't come."

I sobbed this time, his words tearing it from me. I tugged him close, holding onto him desperately. "It's me, please believe me!" Nothing had mattered this much to me for a long, _long _time. His words were hurting me, physically burning me. I sobbed again, pulling him harder into the hug.

"Kyo?" he whispered.

"Yes," I said softly.

He laughed once and looked aside. "Don't be stupid. Kyo would kick the crap out of me if he saw what state I was in."

"Don't tempt me," I murmured, smiling through my tears. His hand came up to stroke my face, and I sighed into the touch, body shuddering.

"You're crying," he whispered. He leant closer, and his tongue came out and ran across my cheek.

I shuddered with it, clutching him tighter. "I missed you," I said softly.

His eyes widened and he smiled, just for a second. "I missed you too." He laughed shakily, and the simple sound made me sob. "Stop crying," he pleaded. "Kyo doesn't cry. I want to pretend…" His hand traced down the front of my shirt. "Just for a moment." He groaned, and I felt him slump back onto the bed. "Why do… oh god, what's wrong?" His hand ran across the fading bruises on his arms. "Didn't you give me any?" he said angrily.

"No," I said firmly.

"Stupid fucking _bastard_!" he yelled, shoving me away, before another wave of dizziness hit him and he fell down onto the bed with a moan. "I _hate _you!"

"This isn't you," I said shakily. "It's not you. It's not _for _you."

"You have no right to decide my life for me! Get _out_!" he snarled, and I closed my eyes, fighting the urge to do what he said.

"No," I said hoarsely. "You can't get rid of me." I wrapped my arms around and linked them over his chest, and he struggled against my arms.

"Stop it," he croaked. "You don't care."

I laughed shakily. "I think I do," I murmured, pulling him closer. "More than I'm supposed to, probably."

"Then you're definitely not Kyo. Selfish little prick never looked away from his own reflection to see that I _fucking loved him_." I felt my whole body freeze and my throat tighten. I held him closer and began to rock softly. His breath left him in a shuddering sigh as he began to fall back into unconsciousness; I scrabbled desperately at him as he fell back onto the pillows. He seemed to look up at me for a moment – just the smallest of moments, and his thumb traced my bottom lip. "Find him for me?" he murmured. "Before…" He sighed in a rush of air. "And tell him I love him." He fell back, his eyes fluttered closed and he smiled.

* * *

My legs draped over the windowsill as I pressed the phone to my ear. It rang a few times before Hatori answered in a tired voice. _"Any change?"_

"He woke up," I said hoarsely. "For a bit. He's sleeping now."

"_What did he say?"_

"He…" I felt my throat constrict. "He didn't believe me when I told him who I was." _Am I really that different? _I thought, but couldn't quite bring myself to say it.

"_It's understandable. He's had a shit time,__ he doesn't need false hope. I'll come over and talk to him, but right now I'm waiting for these tests."_

"I'll see you soon, then," I murmured. I was about to hang up when he answered.

"_Kyo? I'm so sorry."_

I stared numbly at the phone as it fell from my hand, and the only thing I could think of was _I know._ I left it where it was and stared out of the window, hair falling back as I stared to the stars.

A rustling from the room made me tear my eyes away; he was propped up on one arm, face angled towards me. "Water," he asked quietly. "Please?" I stood up and walked into the bathroom, pouring him a glass. He propped himself up against the headboard as he drank, his face averted away from me. He hovered awkwardly with the empty glass until I gently took it from him. He smiled at me softly, but it didn't reach his eyes. "I'm so sorry, Kyo."

My heart couldn't stop pounding as I felt a stupid grin plaster over my face. "You're the second person in as many minutes to tell me that," I murmured, and it made him smile.

"We all have so much to apologise for," he said softly, his hand fanning out against my chest. He frowned for a moment, his hand brushing my shirt. "Kyo…" he murmured. "What happened? Something…" He hesitated for a moment, his hand dropping away. "Something feels wrong. Here." He pressed his hand to his chest, his face set in a sad frown. "Something gone."

"It's Akito," I said quietly. "We all feel it."

His eyes widened. "He's not – "

I shook my head. "Only… lost."

He frowned for a moment. "And Tohru?"

I swallowed, the motion thick in my throat. "Gone."

"Oh." The silence seemed overwhelming.

"You hurt a lot of people when you left us, Yuki," I murmured, my hand caressing his chest.

"Yeah," he muttered. "I guess I did." He smiled for a moment, so sincerely I thought he would shatter me totally. "I'm so sorry. To make you have to do all this."

"Will anyone come looking for you?" I asked quietly.

"Only Yui." _There is no one to come looking. No one cares._

"I've dealt with him," I muttered, and the sinister tone made him widen his eyes. "Peacefully, of course," I added slowly, and watched the smile spread across his face.

"You're definitely not Kyo," he grinned, and I cuffed him gently.

"What happened, Yuki?" I whispered. "How did it come to this?"

His sightless eyes trained on me and a chill ran down my spine. "I fell in love with you," he said simply as he smiled.

**A/N**

**I'd forgotten how hard improvising stories used to be…**


	4. Believe It or Not, I Think I Might…

**Warnings: Swearing, angst, schizophrenia, new Hatori pairing ('cause he **_**seriously **_**needs more love).**

**Dedication: Silentz, thank you so much for continuing support. It really means so much to me. This chapter is for you.**

**Believe It or Not, I Think I Might…**

"Love me?" I whispered. "Don't fuck with me, Yuki. Just don't." It made me so _mad _to think that he had no idea how fucking _lonely_ I'd been. Still am, I suppose.

He smiled, but it wasn't sad. "See?"

"Do I see what?" I hadn't meant to snap, but the unforgettable hate was curling around my abdomen again.

"Why I left," he murmured softly. "You're insecure, and I'm just fucked up. Pardon the pun. We'd be insane together."

'Insecure' had hit a little too close to heart. "There is no 'together', Yuki." End of story.

"Then why did you fuck me?" He said it calmly, and his eyes were unreadable. I wanted there to be something there, something I could get mad about – even the cool superiority he'd always shown me would be better than this. I almost truthfully wondered whether this was Yuki.

"I wasn't the first," I retorted coolly. A flicker for a moment? Nothing.

"Didn't say you were," he countered calmly. "And the experience seemed to pay off. As far as I could tell you were enjoying yourself.

I could feel my body curl with hatred; my fingers balled beside me. "You're pathetic, Yuki. A little whore. Of _course _I enjoyed myself." I stood and reached the door.

"Where are you going?" he whispered. _At last. _He sounded desperate and scared and I felt overwhelmingly glad.

"Out. You are apparently totally capable of looking after yourself." I left him.

It was the worst thing I could have done.

* * *

Hatori slid the key in and turned. Gently, in the background, he heard glass break. He put his head around the door, taking in the upturned bed, splintered shelves, shattered TV screen. After speaking to the landlord he'd expected destruction, but nothing this severe. There was nothing left. He stepped inside, avoiding what was left of a clock. "Yuki?" he called softly.

A figure, in the kitchen. His back was to him, so he stepped forward and repeated himself. When he saw Yuki's eyes he felt winded; he knew he was blind, but the cloudiness was still so horribly wrong. He hadn't had the chance to examine him and see if it was permanent… His hands were bloodied, hanging beside him. The drops fell surreally to the floor with the softest of noises. "Hatori," he said. His voice was calm but Hatori had never seen him so _angry. _He approached, took hold of his hand and cleaned the blood and dirt away gently. Yuki stood there and let him. He wrapped his knuckles in bandages and stepped back in silence. "Do you have any?" he asked calmly.

"Any what?" Hatori replied softly. He had a pretty good idea what Yuki wanted, though.

He was right. "Drugs. I feel like shit."

Hatori closed his eyes for a moment. "No, Yuki. I don't."

He frowned in comprehension for a moment. "You're trying to get Yuki clean. It's kind, but I don't recommend it."

Hatori had to do a double take at 'Yuki', but the figure in front of him was unmistakeable. "I appreciate the warning," he murmured.

The figure looked at him directly and his stomach clenched. Blood trickled from imbetween his lips; his tongue strayed out and removed it. Hatori found himself watching. "Read the charges?" Yuki murmured.

"I'm not here to fuck you, Yuki." He found himself regretting saying it; the smirk on Yuki's face was intolerable.

He shrugged. "Most people are. You must be tired."

"I'll manage."

A moment. Another. "You sure?"

"I always was."

"Then can I fuck you?" His tone was so devastatingly brutally factual Hatori's heart flew.

"No," he replied. "Where's Kyo?" _Smooth, Hatori. Changing the subject so inconspicuously._

"I don't know," he murmured, and for the first time his voice wavered. Then his eyes (or what was left of them) appeared to train on him and the smirk returned. Hatori realised with a horrible gutwrench that Yuki was trying to be sexy.

He realised with even more dread it was working.

"When did he leave?" he said quickly.

"I don't know. I lost track of time." Hatori scanned an eye over the wreckage; out of the corner of his eye Yuki was growing closer.

"Is he coming back?" he asked softly.

"I don't know." The quiet anger in his voice confirmed what he'd suspected. A hand brushed along his lower arm. "You're here."

Hatori wasn't sure he liked what that implied. "To help."

"However you can?" Yuki was now intolerably close, hand inches from his hip.

"Within limitations… yes."

Yuki noticed the hitch in his voice as his hand made contact with his hip and smirked. "Perfect."

Hatori hadn't been kissed for a while. He hadn't been fucked for longer. It wasn't a surprise he lost control.

* * *

Hatori, sat up beside an equally naked Yuki, surveyed the destruction around him. He picked up his mobile and dialled speed number 2. "I think we have a problem," he murmured.

* * *

I shouldn't have left. I had realised it once I'd allow myself to calm down and promptly started making my way home. My phone went off in my pocket; Hatori's voice murmured down the phone. _"I think we have a problem," _he said quietly.

"I'm on my way." I arrived 12 minutes later; I found it very hard to comprehend the simple _destruction _around me. Hatori was sitting on the windowsill in traditional shirt and trousers; it made me wonder if he ever took them off. Yuki was in bed; I noted that he'd managed to put on the kimono I'd bought him and was on his side, asleep. I scanned my eyes across the wreckage. "What happened?" I murmured.

"Sit down, Kyo." I did so. "I think we have a problem," he repeated, and as I looked around I realised that this was _bad._

"We have to get him off these drugs," I said after the crushing silence.

Hatori nodded, but the lack of compliance in his eyes worried me. "It's understandable. All the shit he's been through; it's a classic mental reaction."

I noticed, without much interest, it was the first time I'd heard Hatori swear. "If you had told me there were two Yukis a year and a half ago I think I would have joined him and lost it myself."

"How did you feel now?" he murmured.

"Scared." I suppressed a shiver. "Can you cure him?"

"I don't know." What annoyed me more was that he didn't seem to _care_.

With a pathetic whimper that I found oddly adorable Yuki rolled over on the bed behind us and sat up. I moved over immediately. "Careful," I murmured. "Don't move. There's broken glass on the floor." What am I, his mother?

"Why?" he croaked. In all fairness, he did sound like shit. Like he'd been screaming… His brows lowered in pain. "My head…"

Hatori moved over beside me. "You should be able to take some aspirin."

"Hatori?" Yuki shuffled towards me more on the bed, surprised he was here; I placed a hand on his leg reassuringly but looked at Hatori with dread. Yuki had spoken to Hatori; why wouldn't he know he was here?

"What happened to your hands, Yuki?" Hatori asked gently.

"My hands?" Yuki moved his head towards me, running the fingers of his right hand across the bandaged knuckles of his left. "They hurt. Why?"

_You don't remember? _"Just an accident. Don't worry, it doesn't matter." He moved his head down to face the bed; his hand rested a few centimetres from mine on his leg. I found mine involuntarily travelling over and taking hold of it; his hand was cold but he clenched back.

"I think I should look at your eyes, Yuki," Hatori said after a few moments of calming silence.

Yuki nodded, turning his face towards Hatori. "Will it hurt?"

Hatori shook his head, before coughing with embarrassment. "No," he said quietly. Yuki nodded. Hatori extracted some form of handtorch out of his bag and began examining eyes and cheeks; I watched on idly for a few moments, just holding Yuki's hand. All in all I felt totally useless. Yuki was nervous; he was clenching my hand, but his face was, as ever, totally unreadable. I found myself smiling softly. _Damn rat._

Where did that all go?

Stupid bickering and touching and fighting and looks across the room when he thought I couldn't see. I kind of missed it. Okay, I really missed it. But now… he was here. Would it start again? For once, I hoped not. Before, I wanted everything to go back to normal, but now… Yuki's hand squeezed once against mine. He was warming up, heat spreading from my body into his. I kind of liked this. Okay, I really liked this.

Hatori's voice brought me firmly back to the present. "I think they should be curable," he said gently.

I couldn't help the grin that spread across my face, but Yuki, as ever, was totally stoic. "An operation?"

"Possibly," he said slowly, clearly thinking about the options. Yuki shuddered; I knew he hated needles, knives and anything vaguely surgical. I clenched once; he replied with a quick smile. "Probably not. You'll have to be on medication, naturally." He smiled once, but it had no humour. "And eat plenty of carrots."

"Aye aye, captain," I murmured, and Yuki sent me a death glare (even _with _the cloudy eyes it sent my heart racing – different reasons? I firmly ignored my rambling thoughts…) but the small smile I could just about see made it lose all seriousness.

"I'll book into a nearby hotel." He stood; his gaze rested on Yuki for a moment and for a second I thought I saw lust in his eyes? _Kyo, you're going mad with jealousy_, I said to myself. I walked him to the door. "They're all good signs, Kyo," he murmured to me. "Just don't ever leave him again." He called to Yuki in the background. "I'll be back in the morning." He turned and left and I suddenly realised I was alone.

With Yuki.

_At least he isn't naked this time._

_Shutupshutupshutup._

"Kyo?" I turned and sat on the bed beside him; his hand moved to my shirt for reassurance. "I'm sorry."

"I'm an asshole, Yuki. Don't you dare apologise for that," I said fondly, and he smiled.

"Well done. You finally got something right." I sat and stared at him for a long moment before pulling him into a hug.

"Shit, Yuki," I breathed. "Don't ever scare me like that again." I felt him smile against my chest; I sighed. It shuddered.

"Kyo…" I bit my lip. I'd been avoiding it. "When I said I loved you I meant it."

"Do you still now?" I whispered.

He rested his head on my shoulder. "Honestly, Kyo? I don't even know if I _can_ feel anything anymore. But…" His hand tightened on my chest. "I'd like to try and love you." He coughed, adorably embarrassed. "Wh-what about you?"

I found myself rolling my eyes and smiling. "Yuki, seeing as I'm not pushing you away with revulsion, I think I might like to try and get along with you at least." I looked down at him and realised with a horrible gutwrenching blow that it had already become much more than that – and some of us didn't want our heart breaking again. "Do you think you can cope with that?"

"Yeah," he said softly. "I think I can."

"Good."

Because I don't think I can.

**A/N**

**Okay, so you don't want to hear my excuses – but GCSEs are (unfortunately) rather important. I'm still doing them, but sciences are over, and I'm on half term at the mo, so everything's getting updated.**

**So sickly sweet, neh? I honestly hate fluff, but it's good for the soul. –omnoms on candyfloss-**

**Yeah, so Yuki's schizophrenic, Kyo's paranoid and Hatori's getting a love interest.**

**Much love to mah Akki for letting me steal her plotline ;)**


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